When my boyfriend tells me I'm the prettiest girl...
whatshouldwecallme: On the outside, I’m like: But, on the inside:
Is Tavi's "Two-Minute Beehive" Fake Beauty Blog's...
Tavi is a one-in-a-million nugget of brilliance and originality, but since I am unapologetically obsessed with things like eyelash extensions, Olive Garden, and myself, I’ve always known we could never be besties (or the modern equivalent- people who tweet at each other). But when I watched her Two-Minute Beehive vid and she was waxing poetic on dirty hair and laziness—the very...
According to science: Alcohol makes you think you’re more attractive, but makes others actually find you less attractive. See here. According to FBB: Der. See below.
FBB Tackles the DIY #Katniss Braid
Animated with Loopcam for iPhone. Click here for the tutorial: LOLZ jk. You know we don’t do that helpful stuff around here. Like, you either know how to braid or you don’t. Love, FBB
I feel like an awesome thing no one ever talks about in regards to having bangs is: You never have to pluck your eyebrows. It’s like the lazy girls guide to skipping a grooming task. Of course, the bangs themselves require upkeep, but as you can see from my current FB photo, I rarely trim my bangs until people start mistaking me for an overgrown brunette sheepdog. Anyway, the point is I...
Talkin' the Talk, Chalkin' the Chalk
Even though The Beauty Department copied us that one time with the whole exposed bobby pin thing, we’re cool with it, because we copy everything Lauren Conrad has ever done, including getting back together with bad news boyfriends, being totally catty in a loving way about our friends, and flirty A-line skirts. Most recent case in point: Hair Chalking. I’ve been meaning to copy this...
Happy Birthday, EB!
You guys, happy birthday to my bestest bestie and Fake Beauty Blog creator Elisa, who always upstages my bloggers buns, never calls me out for stealing all her funny expressions and using them in my own writing, picks the best Same Magazine Page outfit themes for going out, barely gets mad when I discuss her use of fake hair on the interweb, is the master of fake eyelashes, and generally makes...
How I feel every morning whilst blowdrying my...
Amanda Seyfried in Glamour, March 2012 Blowdrying your hair is SO. BORING. It takes me seven minutes to dry my hair, like if I’m doing the super-fast, flip-over-my-head thing. (And really, is there any other way? You need a third arm to handle a round brush.) Every time I spend seven minutes drying my hair, I feel annoyed. That’s seven minutes I could spend doing something...
On Getting Older: Manicure Edition
I’m not putting this one up for an imaginary vote, so I’ll just tell you my opinion re: crazy manicures. At 30, one is too old for them. I’m sorry to keep bringing up Zooey Deschanel, because she didn’t agree to be the standard bearer for 30s-appropriate trends, but I thought her tuxedo nails at the Golden Globes were stupid. Possibly not entirely because of her age, but...
On Getting Older: Bangs Edition
It’s less than a week until my 30th birthday, so this week, I will be running a feature on Age Appropriate Beauty here on FBB. The feature will consist of exactly however many posts I feel like making, on whatever topics concern me about getting older. If you’re not into that, start your own fake beauty blog. My first topic to discuss is: Bangs. I currently have them. I also had...
Today at my haircut...
Me: “I love how texture-y your bun is. Second day hair?” Stylist: “Eight day hair.” There you have it. #secrets
Breaking: We started a trend.
Guys! Thebeautydepartment.com - which is my second-favorite Lauren Conrad thing, after LC by Lauren Conrad for Kohl’s, but before Kyle Howard and premature sun damage - is reporting that visible bobby pins are a thing: (These inspiration shots actually gross me out. Like the time in college when I discovered that the underside of my dorm-issued desk was covered in clusters of industrial...
Dumpster Glitter Manicure Essentials
Since I’m clearly obsessed with glitter manicures, I’m presenting the three elements that I think make the most successful execution: 1. Five pack of E.L.F. nail polish, $5, Big Lots: 2. Martha Stewart 3-pack craft glitter, $3.99, Meijers: 3. Totally awesome sister who hilariously knows every word to this song and makes you snort wine during the manicures by singing it,...
Proof that I'm really, really pretty: A FBB...
You guys, some people don’t believe me when I say that I never had an awkward phase. But, like, check out this photo from some age that I don’t really remember: I’m soooo pretty. That hair? I die. Sure, my outfit is laugh out loud heinous. But that’s why this isn’t Fake Style Blog.
The only thing I love more than myself is FAKE...
One time you should always rock faux lashes is, Friday. I’m pretty much awesome at applying fake lashes—see below: Obligatory creepy/demon close up: Here’s the thing about fake eyelashes—even if they start to peel away at the corners (THEY ALWAYS DO), and even if they’re not totally even on both sides, and even if you accidentally glued your real eyelashes...
What I think my hair looks like vs. the dumpster...
Today I’m catching up on work in the fun way—i.e., working from my laptop at a great table at a charming cafe, i.e., not at the office. In my head, my Sunday Writer hair looks like THIS: Elle Fanning in Interview In real life, it looks like THIS: Hahhahaaaaa. Also, I know this picture is mad awkward, but taking Photo Booth images of yourself in the middle of a crowded cafe is...
I'm pretty much planning my entire Halloween...
I’m thinking lion. Get the tutorial here. Rawr! -e
What NOT To Do: Manicure Edition
A special beauty tip: Do not get a manicure hours before you have to scrub your bathroom floor, empty the contents of your refrigerator, pack your suitcase, and fly to Paris. Results will be this: For the record, this color is Essie’s Parisian Pink. It’s a lovely pale neutral, and after my manicure, I spent several minutes congratulating myself on selecting the perfect color...
Fishtail french braid.
Fishtail french braids look very similar to regular french braids, except somehow a little less sweet, a little more cool. Also: I took this picture in my bathroom.
How to get wavy hair that doesn't try too hard to...
Wavy hair is coolest with a touch of bedhead (HAIL NO to big, bouncy, Kardashian curls). My friend Mer of Scarfspiration is a master of this not-too-done look: RIGHT??? Her secrets: Mouse. Apply it to wet hair to help your curls NOT fall out one second after you leave the house. 1-inch curling iron. People think you need a jumbo-sized curling iron to get big waves, but a large barrel will...
fall hair: flat-iron, barely there waves.
Pair with whatever makeup you were wearing yesterday and never bothered to wash off. That’s what I did.
Two braids are better than one.
Today I did my hair on the subway
Look, I’m not saying this semi-crappy updo deserves a starring role on America’s Next Top Hair Model: But it did earn me tons of compliments today. (Okay, ONE compliment. Hahhaa. Thanks, Neha.) Here is the FBB takeaway: - Develop at least one beauty routine you can complete without a mirror, because you never know when you’ll sleep through your alarm on the day of an early...
Kopy The Kardashian Look
I know the Kardashians can be a little over the top (alert: understatement), but I think all three sisters looked absolutely gorge yesterday at the launch of their Kardashian Kollection for Sears. Observe: Luckily for you, I learned the beauty secrets necessary to replicate their dewy skin, lustrous hair, and perfectly applied makeup. Just follow my simple instructions below: Step 1: Be a...
My anaconda don't want none (unless you got buns,...
Here at Fake Beauty Blog, there’s only one thing we’re more obsessed with than ourselves: a good hair tutorial. Earlier this year, Joanna at Cup of Jo posted this adorable tutorial by her friend Caroline (she of the perfect non-mombre ombre): I’ve been obsessively attempting to replicate it ever since. This is my slightly dumpster version: You’ll note my version has more visible bobby...
KStew on the cover of W
Holy crap! J’adore everything about this: Major hair, major cat eye, major fuzzy whiteness, major ‘tude. I loves! If this was a real beauty blog, I would now tell you how to recreate this look for yourself. But since this is a fake beauty blog…can I get a volume tutorial up in here? Anyone? PLZ INTERNET???